Tales of a NewBorn Father

The following are remarks from my book, Tales of a Newborn Father.

I love Disney. My favorite part is the monorail. I am not sure if it’s the colors, I am not sure if it’s the cool design, or the fact that I have ridden it since the early 80’s. In any case, I love the monorail. Disney World is simply awesome. Orlando is defined by Disney. You cannot disconnect Disney from Orlando. And yet, about 100 years ago, Disney did not exist. Disney was swamp land, from what I hear. But the defining factor of Disney is not just its ability to entertain. It transports you into a new life. It is more than an amusement park. They don’t just take you to Germany, or give you an experience of South America. No. Disney has characters. Cinderella, Goofy, the Mad Hatter, and many others are people that inhabit this “dream world.” Disney actually propels us into another world. And the amazing thing is that they are successful. And even more amazingly, they do it seamlessly, starting with those slow monorails. And there is something in our hearts that long for this experience. Something is wired within our souls to long for “another world,” or for “tomorrow land.” And I think that there is a bit of a “new creation” that stirs at the bottom of our hearts. All of us long for another life, for another body, for another pair of eyes, or for another place to turn. We long for new life.

As I write my "Tales of a NewBorn Father," I have started to devote my writing to a blog. If you are interested, you can click on the link below and get to my blog.

www.talesofanewbornfather.blogspot.com

Ancestors Home

This canopy hangs above the bed of my 6 year old, Josephine Marie Milner. She lives in a "dream world" most days, so its appropriate that her bed would covered in pink, lace, and beautiful fabric. Follow the link below to my ancestors old homesite. I would love to be more involved in this homestead. 

I would love to buy this property and turn it into a retreat center for the emotionally spent, the burdened, and the broken. It could be a new type of place. Rather than focusing on glamore and glitz, Warner Hall could be a celebration of the great history of this nation. Its amazing that our ancestors created the democratic ideal, that they actually had faith to move forward into Democracy. Representative Democracy is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. While the Greeks may have started it, I think the United States is working to perfect it. I long for the day when Warner Hall could be a place to re-connect with roots, when it would be a place to be still and KNOW GOD.

http://www.warnerhall.com/

Josie Marie Milner, future Senator from Wake County

This picture captures all of my joy. Yes. My 6 year old, in the chamber, doing her thing, beeming her light all over the place.

Below is a letter that I wrote to my wife's uncle, and it captures some of my current feelings as a chaplain in the Senate.


Doesnt that Chaplain Milner have a nice ring? I love it. I like Chaplain so much more than "preacher" or perhaps even "pastor." Chaplain does not fix ones eyes on "getting to a destination," but rather, "trusts the Lord in all things" and therefore can be "silent" or "still" or just "present."




It is liberating to me John because I have always been turned off from the part of the church that wants to strangle ones way into heaven. Its hard for me. While I believe with all my life in Jesus Christ, for sure, I try to remember what he says about "meekness" and "gentleness" and "love."

Without Love, we are a banging gong. So, it is an honor to serve our political system from a non-political, if you will, standpoint. You would love some of these Senators. One lady, Ellie, has served Chapel Hill as their Senator for 20 some odd years and was a mayor before that. She drives to work in her Ford Station wagon, with funny bumper stickers all over and flyers littered throughout the back seat. Her aging hands clasp her pen as she walkes around the Senate Chamber in search of signatures for her latest bill. The blue sheet lined with signatures reveals her dedication to helping with issues of Justice, and issues such as city revitilization. It is one of the most beautiful things I have ever experienced to watch a Bill be made a Law. Its poetic, and I dont even know why I think so. It seems to me that a Bill, is basically a concept, or, a solution to a problem that has come up in someones life. One of my new buddies, Ches, just got a bill passed which will allow his fraternity to make license plates with their insignia on them. It makes sense. While it is not as important as other things, it is simply one slice of reality changing and made more whole.

And this Bill becomes a tangible flag whereby one can re-direct the course of a whole family, or a neighborhood, or a city. This is why we have some bad laws, like the laws that used to forsake women to vote for instance, or, even more insideous laws. But this is why, by and large, we have the greatest country in this world. I am not speaking arrogantly, I am speaking honestly, and being part of this process, as I pray for these Senators, has given me a deeper love for our State and our political "representative democracy." And, its made me want to fight for justice the more. You would not believe the "wolves" and lions that come around that building wanting to lobby and twist and turn and fight. It can be "frustrating." But even that, in all its problems, is driven by a person that is trying to represent another group of people in the way they see best fit.



I could go on all day.



Peter



Here is a quick bio on Ellie Kinniard, my local grandmother....



http://www.elliekinnaird.org/bio.shtml

Peter Milner, Senate Chaplain

This was a picture I took of myself as I headed from Raleigh, NC to Winston-Salem, NC after my first day of prayer in the Senate. I was going to Winston to support my Executive Director at StepUp Ministry, Steve Swayne. Steve was speaking with my uncle at a local gathering of high school principals. They were talking about leadership. That day I felt like a newborn baby, headed into a world of the unknown, embraced by Christ, and truly bouncing off the walls inside of myself. It was one of those days that I felt I might explode. I was on "cloud 9," in reality. It was such a beautiful day and I am glad that I have this picture that truly captures the radiance of my inner joy in the Lord. And yes, mom, I was driving. And yes, Anna, I was driving. Sorry! I just had to do it. It was worth it.

Jacob and the NC General Assembly

I started working in the General Assembly of North Carolina two weeks ago. In these two long weeks, I still get goose bumps everytime I climb to the podium to pray. Every time I pray, I feel unworthy. I feel foolish. And yet, I do feel something that I would call, "The presence of the Lord."

How in the world can I bring my experience of God into the most powerful place in North Carolina? Well, to put it bluntly, I cannot. As I have been thinking about this, I came across a podcast of a preacher friend named Thad Barnum. Below are the reflections from him that I find incredibly valid in the context of my own life.

I have wrestled with God, literally. If it were not for the wrestling that I did one night in August of 1997, I would not be in the General Assembly. If it were not for that moment when I wrestled with God, I would not be a new creature, I would not be married to my beautiful bride, nor would I have my two kids. That one night of wrestling was the pivot point of my life. And this is why the story of Jacob really does bring together the intricate fibers of my story into one larger story of my life. The story of Jacob captures this pivot point. And this is where Bishop Thad steps in, and offers me some clarity.

You know you have faught with God. And you have reduced him from His glory in order to wrestle with Him. "If you were really God" you would do such and such, or so and so. Can you hear him saying, "Let me go?" Why has he come in the sound of humility? Why has he let us be stronger? Why has he allowed that moment, when all of a sudden, he was bound by us, and slapped, and mocked, and beaten? Peter does what we all do, in the midst of panic. We take out our sword. And Jesus turns and says to him, "What are you doing?"

Jesus speaks to us. But we don't want to let His power and word to prevail. Let me go. Let me go. In God's power, EL dislocates us. This is what God does with us. In the context of the thigh, it is the source of our strength. The thigh is the place where we give birth, where covenant is made, and even its said "Gird up your loins." El touches that place where we think we can handle all things. God brings us to the place where we wrestle with Him, and then God allows Himself to be overpowered by us. He becomes weak, in order for His strength to ultimately prevail. This is the weirdness of the gospel. And this is our Lord, Jesus Christ.

We bring our thoughts to God, our concerns, our worries. And God says, like He did to Jacob at the Jabak, "I dont care about Essau. I dont care about the 400 men. I care about you." We are overhwlemed. We are fearful, but God wants us to know one thing, that I care about you. All He did was touch, and Jacob knew that power came into his body. I will tell it to you once, before you get blessing, you will find that God first breaks. Before the eternal life comes the cross. Down comes the idol of strength. You who have captured God by your mind, watch it. Watch out. The idol will come down. This is not a God who fits into our image. This is us fitting into His. We put him into a box and put him in the halls of academia. We wrestled with him on our terms. But El says, "Let me go."

That God would become one of us, that he would humble himself, and chose to become one of us, even unto obedience to death, even death on a cross. The humility of the God-man is found in this text. Jacob knows enough to know that he is dealing with a power greater than he is. The lesser always seeks the blessing of the greater. I am the weaker, and I am pinning you down, by my strength, but you are stronger. Welcome to my world. Absolutely this makes sense. It makes sense experientially.  

As politicians wrestle with issues, as I wrestle to prepare daily prayers, and as assistants wrestle with email and to-do lists, I pray that I can always remember how God allowed us to wrestle Him to the ground. I pray that I will continue to let the Lord inform all I do in this space. I pray against the powers and principalities, and I pray towards the glory of God's kingdom. There is a place deep inside that is full of fear. We try to get God where we want him. There is a place and a time when we simply must let go of God. Our tendency is to grab ahold of God and strangle Him. But we know that He is bigger than we are, and we hear the sound of His voice saying,"Let me go." In the grand scheme, its not about us wrestling with God. Its about God wrestling with us. Are we going to wrestle, and are we going to ultimately, allow God to rename us and bless us through our wrestling?

A Good Friday Evening of Ice Skating

All I saw was tears streaming down her face. Then, I saw her soiled pants. Her playful pink jeans were now dark and dirty. Then I looked up. I saw inverted eye brows,  major frustration and anger was pouring from my wife's face. And all this happened while I was blissfully putting on Silas' cute ice skates. How dare they enter into my special moment with Silas to interrupt? This is what I thought. What in the world could have happened to create such a mess? Well, it started out as a nice evening of Ice Skating.  It was nothing earth shattering. No. It was simple. It took some manouvering. Anna had to meet us for dinner, we had to park her Civic at 18 Seaboard, near the ice arena, and carpool downtown to the rink. But that wasn't much of an obstacle. The man that staggered from Cameron Village to Wachovia , in front of our car, was only a minor  obstacle.

Tonight we joined six other families for open air ice skating in downtown Raleigh. The "hopeless romantic" in me bulged with glee as my wife and I, and the two kids, headed to park our car. But simple things often are the catch. Anna and I argued a bit about the parking space. But I let that go. I tried to drop the kids off with my wife, but that didn't happen. I did not communicate well. I said "Would you like me to drop you off here?" Another option might have been, "Anna, I would like to drop you off on the curb so that we do not have to walk the kids all over the streets." But I was my normal indirect self.

The weather was also a challenge. It was only 32 degrees and our 3 year old wanted to be carried everywhere because he was "cold."  But, after all, Silas was most excited of us all. His face was riveted and poised as we headed in the direction of the rink. You might think that this would be an occasion for a family photo. Nope. Tonight we certainly didn't get a photo. I thought all my effort would pay off. I had picked Silas up at school, done an hour of work from home, gathered Josie from the bus stop, dressed the kids, and somehow by God's grace sent the neighbors child home, Hartley. Then, the kids and I sprinted to meet Anna at Cameron Village for dinner. We headed left on Six Forks Road. Behind the wheel, I waited in line, internally I was surging with expectations of fun, perfection, and joy.  It is becoming all the more rare that Anna and I, and the kids, hang out and do something recreational together. So this was the moment, the climax, the perfect "rose colored" glasses that I always dream of. With Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, parties, school, travel, and all sorts of other opportunities, it seems like the Summer was the last time we went out on the town as a family. But eventually my dreams would be shattered.

I guess its realistic that a 6 year old would be scarred of a porta potty. After all, I am. So in the end, nothing tragic really happened. It was jut different than my expectations. Josie had a terrible evening. Silas had a bad evening, and Anna had a pretty sucky evening as well. And then there was me. I was trapped inside my head, like usual, ready to scream, but hoping to put a good spin on it. I was glad we did what we did. I wish it hadn't happened that way, but then, that would not be realistic. Thankfully I did not let my emotions get the best of me. I have slept through the night, gotten my daily dose of coffee, and have moved on. Silas and I went out for bagels this morning. Anna and I laughed in bed as we talked about our marriage, and we waited for Silas to walk into our room at 6:45 to say, "Is it wake up time?"

A year has flown by

Like canadian geese flying over head, without warning, I have been ambushed by God's goodness this year. 12 months ago my focus was at home with my kids, and when I was not with my kids, I decided to take up the task of being a local Hospital Chaplain at Duke Raleigh Hospital. In a way, this was the silliest decision I had ever made. I could either have time to myself at home, while Silas and Josie were at school, or, I could volunteer with sick people in a local hospital. Blessing upon blessing came my way. Prayer after prayer was answered. Out of nowhere I was offered a job at StepUp Ministry. I started August 9th, 2010, and little did I know, this job would change my life. I was so completely "sent" into this job, by the strong arm of the Holy Spirit, that there was no credit I could take for it. Ten years prior, I had been the chaplain to the homeless men at the South Wilmington Street Shelter. Ten years ago I was in Duke Divinity School. Just 9 years prior, I had asked my girlfriend to marry me. I remember telling my cousin Benjamin. He knew she was the one. I glowed when I talked about her.

At Piola Pizza, my favorite pizza spot in Raleigh.





Its hard to believe God has choosen me to be His servant, but its looking like I have been tapped to not only work at StepUp Ministry ( a complete honor), but that I am awaiting installation as the next Senate Chaplain to the North Carolina General Assembly. I am overwhelmed by the movement of God. It's time to shout His name to the mountain tops. I did not seek the job out. I did not even ask for the job. It came to me, it saught me out, and it landed in my lap. God does know the desires of our heart.

Peter at work

This is one of my favorite things to do.